It's been a pretty terrible week, let's be honest. But don't despair, for toad giver is here to tell you about bonk bonk so all is good in the world again.
Earlier this year, Twitter user and "cool guy" Grain Death began receiving messages from a random number. In a delightful twist, it wasn't unsolicited X-rated pictures of a man's crotch, but glorious pictures of toads accompanied by facts about said toads.
"Earlier this year a random number I don't recognize started sending me pictures of toads," Mr Death wrote on Twitter, explaining that "the t in the contact photo is for 'toad'."
The messages start with a European common spadefoot toad, to which Grain responded "true". A few days later, the mystery toad giver sent a red American toadlet. Shortly after that followed a Fowler's toad and a banjo frog (aka "pobblebonk").
The toad giver has backup knowledge to dispense about the toads (and frogs), and when asked: "does he play the banjo", they replied: "better! His own call sounds like plucking a banjo string! Like 'bonk bonk'. Or Yoshi when he eats an apple!"
Toad man or woman knows their stuff, because pobblebonks do indeed make a noise extremely similar to a banjo.
Grain Death had questions that weren't just about toads, mainly "who on Earth are you and why are you sending me delightful toad facts?"
"Ok, I have to know," he asked. "Who are you?"
"I send you toads!" toad fact stranger replied. Mr Death went on to ask how the toad fact provider got his number.
"I just had it," they explained.
"Ok I will continue to not save your number and just enjoy the toad content," Grain replied, content with the explanation.
"Bonk bonk," Toad Person confirmed.
After the tweets went viral, people had questions, such as "how do I subscribe to this mailing list?"
And "BONK BONK".
They also had questions about toads, which the toad content provider had already covered over the course of the toad-themed correspondence.
It's fair to say the Internet loves the toad fact giver, whoever they may be.
What does the toad giver make of their viral fame? They seem to be the same, humble giver of toad facts they always were.
We may never know their identity, but as Grain Death signs off:
"Look I could promote my music or my store here but I won't. Be the toad person for your friends, tell them you love them.
"Be the toad giver you want to see in the world."
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