It’s hard not to wonder what it’d be like if advanced aliens are tuning in to our planet right now, downloading the latest news and gossip in an attempt to understand just where our civilization is at. Hopefully they gloss over a few details, like the movie Geostorm, the current federal government, or the colossal penis currently splashed across part of Australia.
Per the Geelong Advertiser, it appears that a rather sizeable phallic drawing has appeared in the dry lake bed in Bellarine, a rural part of the state of Victoria.
Easily, the best part of the original article is the following passage: “Popular Facebook group Take the Piss Geelong shared images of the crass crop circle creation on Monday night, but it is understood locals have been aware of it for months.”
It’s so large, in fact, that it’s been spotted on Google Maps, where it is labeled the “Aussie Weiner”.
You can see plenty from space, to be fair. Our satellites – and even hand-held photography equipment aboard the International Space Station – are so good these days you can zoom in on the tiniest of details. Saying that, we suppose it’s sort of impressive that someone took the time and effort to actually carve out a sedimentological member so large that satellites could spot it from up on high.
In case you’ve been living in a cave for your entire life, you’ll probably be aware that plenty of humanity – generally those with penises, mind – have been obsessed with phallic things since time immemorial. From the murals of Pompeii and Herculaneum to graffiti you see in pretty much any country on Earth, there’s always an unnecessary dangly, two-dimensional male thingymajiggy somewhere nearby.
Penises you can see from space, then, are par for the course. There are a fair few all over the world, and nothing much has changed over time.
Just look at the UK: long ago, a giant man with a ludicrous erection was carved into the chalk on the side of a hill in Dorset, where it is maintained to this very day. In 2007, students in Southampton in the south of the UK used weed killer to create a more viridian-colored penis on their school lawn that you could also see from space.
With that in mind, the Aussie Weiner is just another member (sorry) of the club.
Hopefully, when it comes to giant geoglyphs, any particularly nosey aliens out there pay attention to things like the Nazca Lines instead. These ancient Peruvian masterpieces, many of which are hundreds of meters long, feature dozens of animals and shapes. Constructed around 2,000 years ago, they are quite rightfully a UNESCO World Heritage Site.
Then again, aliens might look at all these monstrous dickish depictions and conclude that we haven’t got very far in the last few thousand years.