It all started with a report published last week in The Dutch Journal of Medicine titled "Step-by-step approach to rectal corpus alienum" – in other words: how to remove foreign bodies stuck in a patient's rectum. A truly noble cause.
"Ladies and gentlemen," the paper begins. "Patients who visit the emergency room because of [foreign bodies in the rectum] are certainly not exceptional. In recent years the problem has even increased... On the basis of three different cases, we present a step-by-step approach for the removal of a rectal corpus alienum."
And it's one of those cases that is making all the headlines.
"Patient C is a 29-year-old man who came to the emergency room around midnight because of acute stomach pain," the study reports. "Together with his partner, he had anally inserted 15 boiled and peeled eggs while under the influence of GHB earlier in the evening."
By the time the gentleman got to the hospital, he was suffering from an abnormally rapid heartbeat (tachycardia) of 120 beats per minute and a rapid breathing rate (tachypnea) of 28 breaths per minute. A physical exam revealed abdominal guarding across his entire abdomen. Suspecting abdominal sepsis, the doctors gave him a CT scan – and what they saw was not pretty.
"Visible in the CT scan were a perforation in the sigmoid [pelvic colon] and a considerable amount of air and fluid in the abdominal cavity," the doctors report. "Therefore, we deemed an emergency laparotomy necessary."
A laparotomy is a surgical procedure in which a large incision is made through the abdominal wall, allowing access to the abdominal cavity.
In a revelation that will shock approximately nobody, forcing 15 eggs up your rectum is not a good idea. The doctors confirmed a large intestinal tear caused by the side-dish-cum-suppositories, as well as extensive inflammation caused by feces leaking into it (fecal peritonitis).
"The eggs were removed as well as we could and the abdominal cavity was thoroughly rinsed," reports the case study. "After the operation, the patient was monitored for a short time in the ICU, and after a few days he was able to leave the hospital in a clinically good condition."
But even though this adventurous patient seems to have come out of it relatively unscathed, we're pretty sure medical professionals would still recommend against this particular proclivity.