This Tale Of A Cockroach Burrowing Into A Man's Ear Gets Worse The More You Read

In the words of a badly dubbed Darth Vader: DO NOT WAAAANT. Lmbuga/Wikimedia Commons; CC BY-SA 3.0

Robin Andrews 01 Jun 2018, 13:11

On a day-to-day basis, is there anything worse than finding out a bug has crawled into your ear and is either trapped there, or has otherwise comfortably nested there? Why yes, yes there is. As reported by the Tallahassee Democrat, it turns out things can become far more nightmarish incredibly quickly.

Picture the scene. You’re living in an apartment near Florida State University, but not just with your husband: sadly, you share your living space with cockroaches. In the sheets, in the mattresses. You have to pick them off your partner as he sleeps, and try not to freak out when they crawl out of light bulbs sockets.

Then, one fine day back in May, you awake to hear a rustling noise in your ear. A roach, clearly wanting its own prime bit of real estate, decided to have a bit of a burrow, which the affected man, 25-year-old Blake Collins, described thusly: “It felt like someone was shoving a Q-tip all the way inside my head and there was nothing I could do to stop it.”

Heading to a hospital, a doctor used a numbing medication – lidocaine – to kill the roach. Normally, this is where these stories end, but oh no. This one is as beautifully, unnecessarily descriptive as you’d like.

“I heard it die in my head,” Collins explained, adding that he “could feel him go super, super fast, kicking and try to dig its way out.” After hearing a cartoon-esque “faint little squeal” and two more minutes of ear canal pandemonium “it just stopped and he died.”

And yet, there’s more: the roach left an egg behind in his ear canal. As gleefully elucidated by Gizmodo, it turns out that it’s not just a single egg either; a German cockroach, the perpetrator of the frightening festivities, lays an oothecal, an egg delivery sack that can contain up to 50 individual eggs.

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