Goop, if you're not already aware, is the "lifestyle brand" owned and promoted by Gwyneth Paltrow. For background, it won the worst pseudoscience of the year award, 2017, after selling jade eggs to insert into your "yoni" (aka "vagina").
Goop usually shows up in the news every now and then after launching some new unscientific nonsense.
Earlier this year, for instance, it promoted a DIY enema kit so that you can safely squirt coffee into your anus.
For just $135 you can actually buy an "Implant O-Rama System At-Home Coffee Enema" promoted by award-winning actor Gwyneth Paltrow. What times we live in.
With products like that, you'd think they'd be beyond parody, but no.
Botnik Studios is a team that takes words from real websites, scripts, and other texts and then uses them as bases for new predictive text keyboards. They have turned their attention to Goop and created a parody website, and it's brilliant.
They fed text from Goop's website into their app, made a predictive text keyboard using the (bizarre) input, and out came Goob.
The parody is pitch perfect, right from the welcome message from Gwyneth:
"Friends, I thought of your hands today, and invariably decided you don't have any. Not enough anyway. As I looked at my hands this month, I was deeply impressed. For me, it’s hard not to focus on them because they are younger than the rest of me.
I encourage you to find your own hands even if they have gotten lost. Once you locate your hands again, buy the things that will let you forget your skin.
The parenting advice is also pretty much straight out of Goop itself. "Brooklyn Crinkle", a health advisor created by predictive text, writes in response to someone whose baby won't sleep:
"Simply, try parenting transition tonics. Not only do they detox your gut and mind, they are also full of alcohol to help you sleep better. Tonics work great for baby too! Make a champagne cacao smoothie for your baby and turn on the stove. Then, let yourself shop for vintage bedroom pillows."
But our favorite part is definitely the titles of Goob's health articles, including "Listen to your body: your migraines are podcasts trying to be produced".