Back in 2015, an 18-year-old man jammed a pair of metal tweezers up his penis. Four years later, he went to the doctor, claiming that it hadn’t caused him any problems. (Hmmm. We’re not sure we believe him either.)
In addition to apparently experiencing none of the expected symptoms like inflammation or fevers, the man could urinate as normal, despite having 8-centimeter-long (3-inch) tweezers lodged in his urethra (the tube that carries urine and semen out of the body).
The doctors examined the man and X-rayed him, only to confirm that there was indeed a pair of tweezers embedded in his genitals. It’s unclear exactly why he thought sticking the tweezers up his member was a good idea, but the case report’s authors have a few inklings.
“Foreign bodies are most commonly inserted into the urinary tract by psychiatric, intoxicated, confused, or sexually curious patients,” they write in Urology Case Reports.
“Treatment is focused on foreign body extraction, diagnosing complications, and avoiding compromise of erectile function.”
To remove the foreign body, the doctors placed the man under general anesthetic. An issue they faced was that the tweezers were open, pressing against the man’s flesh. To counter this, the surgeon assistant present at the operation had to squeeze the tweezers shut by putting pressure on the sides of the shaft of the man’s penis. Once closed, the tweezers could be pulled out of the urethra without the sharp ends causing any damage.
The patient suffered no problems after the procedure and was sent home. The doctors recommended that he undergo a psychiatric evaluation in case he was suffering from a mental illness and to persuade him not to do it again, but he refused. He also did not return to the hospital’s outpatient department for follow-up care.
The doctors note that they don’t often see such a case, especially one in which the patient waits years to seek medical help, but that it does occasionally happen.
“The most common reason for self-insertion of a foreign body into the male urethra is for autoerotic and sexual gratification, especially during masturbation,” the team writes. “In the vast majority of cases, the patients feel guilty and humiliated and, therefore, often delay asking for medical help.”
The patient detailed in the case report certainly isn’t alone. Last year, a 13-year-old boy managed to jam a USB cable into his penis, while this year, another curious 13-year-old somehow pushed 29 magnetic balls up his urethra (but didn’t tell anyone for three months because he was too embarrassed).
“Variety of foreign bodies that are inserted to the genitourinary tract defies imagination,” the doctors write. “These include objects such as fish hooks, metal roads, hairpins, screws, pellets, wires, wooden sticks, piece of fish, and telephone cables.”
Don’t stick fish up your pee holes, people. It won’t end well.