Pro-tip, don’t give your pets drugs. Second tip, if you accidentally do, don’t call the fire department and ask for their help.
That’s what a woman in Wayne Township, Indianapolis did last week. At about 2am in the morning, she was found frantically ringing the doorbell of her local fire department. Why? Well, her pet raccoon had apparently eaten a ton of marijuana.
“The raccoon was very lethargic,” Wayne Township Fire Department Captain Michael Pruitt (who, as far as we can tell, is no relation to professional idiot Scott Pruitt) told local station RTV 6.
“She started explaining what had happened. There wasn’t really much we could do, it was just the sort of thing that was going to take time.”
The lady apparently showed symptoms of being “exposed to marijuana” as well as the raccoon. It’s unclear if the raccoon had eaten or smoked the weed.
There was concern that the animal may have overdosed on meth or heroin, but that doesn’t seem to have been the case. It’s not clear what became of the raccoon, as the fighters sent the woman home with the animal to get some rest.
“It really left the guys scratching their heads that someone brought a raccoon to the firehouse at 2 a.m. seeking help, and especially with the condition the animal was in, so we hope that the raccoon made a full recovery," Pruitt (firefighter, not moron) told WTHR.
Cases like this, as bizarre as they might seem, appear to be on the rise as more states legalize marijuana – including edible forms. Dogs, for example, seem to be particularly keen on weed treats.
Of course, there’s one other aspect of this story we need to talk about. Who the hell has a pet raccoon? It turns out you actually need a permit, and when Indiana Department of Natural Resources found out about the story they asked the firefighters if that was the case. They said they didn’t know.
If this story teaches you anything though, it’s that first of all, don’t give your animals drugs. Second, don’t go banging on the door of the fire department if you do. And third, do you really want a pet raccoon?