The Latest Vaginal Product Makes Goop's Jade Eggs Seem Sane

There's a new and incredibly damaging treatment being marketed for vaginas, and as usual, it can only be taken seriously by people who know nothing about anatomy. vchal/Shutterstock

There are certain things we would like to take for granted, but apparently can't. One of these is that we don't need to discourage the exfoliation of body cavities. Since this turns out not to be the case, let's state this as simply as possible: Do Not Exfoliate Your Vagina (or anyone else's).

Over the years people have made a lot of money convincing women their genitals need work, be it deodorizers, magically powered jade eggs, or cosmetic surgery for the labia. All of which does a lot of harm, but still looks pretty mild compared to the latest product.

We hate to give them the publicity, but you need to know we are not making this up.

Anyone else imagine this being marketed by Daleks shouting “Exfoliate, exfoliate”? OK, just us then.

Since this does not have the might of Goop's marketing power behind it like the infamous jade eggs did, we don't know how many people have actually fallen for this scam, but perhaps it is best to be proactive.

An online search for "vagina" and "exfoliate", something we really wished we'd never have to do, mostly turned up cases of semantic confusion. Like the guy who tried to argue about the correct names for women's genitalia with a leading gynecologist, these mostly involved people referring to their vulvas, or even parts further afield, as their vaginas. This is certainly something only to be done with care, but it's not quite the descent into madness this product is promoting of ripping the inner lining of one of the most sensitive body parts to shreds.

Moreover, even if attempts at vaginal exfoliation are rare, it does seem there is a market for Jamu Stick's core promise, that the vagina will benefit from having eight secret herbs and spices put inside it. Spoiler, it won't.

If you doubt our advice on this, here is what a few other people had to say.

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Seriously, if you have a body part that is causing you pain, go to an actual doctor. If it is not causing you pain, but someone is trying to tell you there is something wrong with it, it's a pretty safe bet they are more concerned about the state of their wallet than your health.

And if your partner, whether they personally are in possession of a vagina of their own or not, tells you to try exfoliation, dump them.

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