It is with a heavy heart that we announce the pseudoscientists are back on their bullshit. This time, it's the suggestion that rubbing dirt into your vagina will somehow magically cure your menstrual cramps.

Yes, you read that right. 

A company called NannoPad^TM is selling a sanitary pad which will "naturally relieve menstrual cramps with no drugs or medicine" via natural fibers. It also uses "cutting edge nannogenic technology" to "purify the pad" and reduce odor.

How do they achieve these miracles of pain relief without providing any pain relief whatsoever, you ask?

According to their website, their Nannogenic^TM technology takes "organically occurring earth elements and break them into nanoparticles," which then "naturally and safely" release the "needed amount of energy that helps with microcirculation". Of course.

Essentially, as gynecologist Dr Jen Gunter points out:

"Dirt doesn’t give off therapeutic “energy” for your uterus," she writes in an excellent blog post. "Everyone knows that’s what jade eggs are for. Just kidding, jade eggs are a scam."

"Medically speaking there is no 'energy' from the earth that impacts the flow of blood in the uterine blood vessels or that can treat painful periods. I mean, if the earth’s crust had this magical element [...] we would be exposed to this dust all the time [so] we wouldn’t have period pain at all!"

The NannoPads do not appear to list the organically occurring earth elements on their website, leaving everyone to speculate what they could be, given that every element of the periodic table occurs organically.

"Carbon? Copper? Arsenic? Lead?" Gunter writes. "A potpourri from the continental crust (ie backyard dirt) ground up into a nice powder?"

What angers Gunter the most is the claims about pain relief. "Women with bad period pain can be desperate and taking advantage of it is wrong."

"I did not think these pads would work, but they did!" one such woman says in a testimonial on the company's website.

"I normally do have cramps during period [sic], not severe, but bad enough to make me feel annoyed. I didn’t use these pads before my period as suggestion [sic] on the box, but it still helped and I felt completely no cramp [sic]!"

Gunter guesses that NannoPads could have activated charcoal in the pads for odor control, though this would do absolutely nothing to help with pain.

"Nannocare Inc. claims they are a 'group of [...] scientists, product developers and most importantly, women who are tired of dealing with crippling menstrual cramps during their period',” she writes.

"Well Nannocare Inc, I’m an OB/GYN who is tired of people making false medical claims and using the obfuscation of quasi-medical terminology to sell bullshit to women."

Check out the full, brilliant post on her website.