Sadly, tomorrow is the end of the world. I know, I know, you’ve still got stuff you want to do. But an expert has made the claim and, well, there’s no going back now. The mysterious planet Nibiru is going to slam into our planet, killing us all.
NASA, however, is having none of it. They are adamant the world is not going to end, stuck in a sad chamber of denial as they hopelessly try to ward off the apocalypse. They have issued a short statement attempting to allay fears, but we know the truth. We are all doomed.
“Various people are ‘predicting’ that [the] world will end Sept 23 when another planet collides with Earth,” NASA said, blind to the terrifying end that awaits us all. “The planet in question, Niburu, doesn't exist, so there will be no collision.”
Nibiru, of course, does exist. The planet was discovered by the Sumerians thousands of years ago, and since then it has repeatedly destroyed Earth. It did so in May 2003 and December 2012, and it will once again end civilization as we know it on September 23, 2017.
The rogue planet, also known as Planet X, has avoided detection because astronomers haven’t noticed it. They are able to spot asteroids just tens of meters across, but unfortunately they completely missed Nibiru, which measures hundreds or thousands of kilometers across.
“If Nibiru or Planet X were real and headed for an encounter with [Earth], astronomers would have been tracking it for at least the past decade, and it would be visible by now to the naked eye,” NASA claimed. Yeah, right. Nice try.
Some other theories suggest tomorrow will bring the Rapture, as believers are whisked up to heaven, and heathens are left to rot on Earth. NASA did not address these claims, presumably because they were busy repenting all of their sins.
It’s been a fun run for humanity, but sadly all good things must end. Tomorrow marks 33 days since the American total solar eclipse, a Biblically significant number. If that is not evidence enough, then you cannot be saved. God help us all.