What Would Our Lives Be Like If The Earth Really WERE Flat?

I don't know... looks pretty flat to me, that horizon... Vadim Petrakov/Shutterstock

Earth isn’t flat. You almost certainly knew this thanks to the insurmountable pile of evidence that has confirmed this for hundreds, if not thousands, of years. Despite that, there’s been an upsurge in those that purport to believe that the planet we call home is indeed a galactic space Frisbee, and we honestly can’t tell if people are trolling or not.

It’s one of the most easily disprovable theories out there, and yet, here we are, watching astronauts debate flat-Earthers live on national television. Ho hum.

That did get us thinking, though. What if the planet suddenly became flat? What would it actually be like to suddenly live on our cosmic coaster as we zip through the cosmos?

It's actually a difficult question to answer. Even though we talk about the Flat Earth Theory, all capitalized, there isn’t one accepted definition of a flat Earth, would you believe.

So we’ll do the best we can with our own assumptions. If it doesn’t make sense, then honestly, it’s not our fault. We’re literally trying to make sense of senselessness, because we’re clearly masochistic.

The Great Boing Of Doom

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Oh snap, the planet’s suddenly flat. This would require the mantle, inner core, and outer core of the planet to suddenly fall off into nothingness, and the Southern Hemisphere to flip up around to be level with the Northern Hemisphere.

At the same time, Antarctica – which is a giant wall around the planet designed to stop us peering over the edge, or designed to stop monsters coming up from underneath to get us – would be ripped apart and turned into a huge circle. The Arctic, meanwhile, would drop downwards at a remarkable speed.

This motion, assuming it’s fairly quick, would cause so much of the planet to accelerate then decelerate so unfathomably quickly that pretty much everyone would die in gruesome explosions, like a bag of tomatoes in a fast-moving car that suddenly crashed.

Those right on the edges may be flung off into space at a horrific speed, and they’d either burn up in the atmosphere, or they’d become space popsicles. At the same time, all those on the International Space Station (ISS) would definitely not survive as they are launched into the infinite dark.

It would be messy, and awful.

However, because of magic, we don’t all die – at least, not immediately.

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