Does it need to be said that taping your penis shut is something you absolutely shouldn’t do? We’d hope the answer to that is “no”, but you’d be surprised at the things people do.
Nevertheless, there is something in this world – one that is increasingly feeling like an alternate reality – called Jiftip the Diktip. If that name is already making you feel uncomfortable, then just wait until you hear what it does.
It’s essentially a plaster, or a band-aid if you will, for your glans, the bulbous crest of your manly member. After cleaning the tip of your penis, you are then supposed to “align the shield” along the meatus – yes, that is the scientific name for the opening – and then rub it on, a bit like a temporary tattoo.
The idea is that when you ejaculate, the reproductive fluids will not escape and do any sneaky baby-making. You are essentially gluing your penis shut though, which to most of you probably won’t sound that appealing – and you’d be right.
It also makes you wonder what advantage this has over a condom. A condom, as you probably know, covers the entirety of your penis, which doesn’t just seem like a more reliable way to catch those pesky spermatozoa, but also a better way to stop the spread of sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Sure, plenty are spread through the fluids themselves, but some can be caught merely through physical contact.
As pointed out by the eagle-eyed Dr Jen Gunter, this unusual product doesn’t appear to be backed up by any sort of studies. There’s some vague talk about “beta testing”, but other than that it’s deeply uncertain that the Jiftip is reliable in any shape or form. We’d advise avoiding it with a barge pole.
It could be that the entire franchise is some sort of bizarre parody or spoof. The official website asks: “Nature made sex simple. Can we make it smarter?”
The team behind the product describe it as “a hypoallergenic, feel shield. The top layer is polyurethane film, the adhesive layer is used in specialty skin bandages, but with a maximum grip.”
There’s even a video on the website showing you how to apply the semen-catcher in question. It’s immediately explicit – you have been warned.
Honestly, we can’t be sure what’s going on here, but please, guys – don’t tape your penis shut. This isn’t a good idea, and you don’t need much science to tell you that.
Update: we've just spotted a disclaimer on the website that suggests the device should only be used for "novelty or entertainment purposes only." Make of that what you will.