What Your Sexual Fantasies Could Say About You, According To A Sex Researcher

Everyone has different tastes, but what do they say about you? ADragan on Shutterstock

If you fantasize about being dominated in the bedroom, it could be because you want to lose control

Submission, or being dominated by a sex partner, is another popular fantasy for both men and women, Lehmiller said.

It's often lumped into the acronym BDSM, which is short for bondage-discipline, dominance-submission, and sadism-masochism, and all of these fantasies deal with power exchange between two partners.

When someone fantasizes about their sex partner dominating them, it's often because that fantasy allows them to feel adored because their partner is "demonstrating this overwhelming irresistible attraction to you," according to Lehmiller.

People who have sex-related anxiety may also gravitate towards submission fantasies because it takes the pressure off them to perform.

"And so I think submission for a lot of people, they find it to be a very freeing sort of experience that allows them to get out of their head and get into the moment," Lehmiller said.


If your sexual fantasies feel taboo, it could mean you're open to trying new things

It's a misconception that anyone with sexual fantasies has them for deep-rooted psychological reasons, Lehmiller said.

In his research, he found that people who have fantasies often, or fantasies that are more taboo than threesomes and BDSM, tend to simply be more imaginative and open to new things than those who fantasize less.

He said people who had personalities that were more open to new experiences tended to "fantasize more about almost everything, including really unusual and bizarre types of scenarios."

"And it doesn't mean anything deeper, other than they just like to think a lot. So we always have to be a little bit careful in saying that our fantasies always have deeper meeting because sometimes they don't," Lehmiller said.


People who are older tend to have more sexual fantasies

Lastly, Lehmiller found that people in their 40s and 50s who are in  long-term monogamous relationships tend to fantasize more than younger folks.

He said this trend likely exists because these people want to get out of sex ruts and try something new.

"And I think when that need for novelty is warranted, which it often is in these long-term monogamous relationships, that people use their fantasies as a way of sort of breaking free and meeting that need for novelty."

 

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