The Covid-19 pandemic has thrown up a lot of problems that governments never expected to have to deal with, leading them to give advice they never thought they'd have to give.
Imagine getting elected based on how much freedom you were going to give everybody, then a few months later telling them "remain indoors, if you leave you are breaking the law". OK, now imagine having to take into account how exceptionally horny your population is because they haven't had sex in the last two or three months due to lockdown measures.
Well, that's the problem many countries and cities are now facing. In the UK, the government recently announced its recommendation to create "support bubbles," where people living alone can meet up with and stay overnight at another household. It's been immediately nicknamed the "sex bubble" or "booty bubble" online, by a social media that's becoming increasingly horny on main. Over in Spain, police in Barcelona had to break up an orgy because it contravened lockdown rules.
America is no different, and to help with the problem New York City has released some new safety guidance on how to make the sex during the Covid-19 pandemic that appears to includes recommending glory holes, among other items.
NYC Health gave out some of the advice you'd expect, including having sex over video calls (a zoom boom as I'm determined to term it), even recommending "sexy 'Zoom parties'" (a zoom boom room). Safe Covid sex advice also includes masturbating, taking care to wash your hands and any toys afterward, or if you have to do it with someone else, do it with someone you live with.
There's also advice for people who want to have sex outside of their own household, which let's face it, is going to happen, so it's best that single people and couples living apart have the advice they need – preaching abstinence never works.
"Sex is a normal part of life," the guide says. "During this extended public health emergency, people will and should have sex. Consider using harm reduction strategies to reduce the risk to yourself, your partners, and our community."
The guidelines of course advise that you shouldn't have sex with someone who is displaying symptoms, or who has tested positive for Covid-19, as well as stressing that testing positive for antibodies doesn't mean "definite immunity". The Department of Health conceded we don't yet know if Covid-19 can spread through sex, but we do it spreads through saliva, mucus and breath, so, as has been recommended by other health professionals, it suggests covering your face and avoiding kissing.
"Maybe it’s your thing, maybe it’s not, but during COVID-19 wearing a face covering that covers your nose and mouth is a good way to add a layer of protection during sex," the memo says. "Heavy breathing and panting can spread the virus further, and if you or your partner have COVID-19 and don’t know it, a mask can help stop that spread."
There's even a section that offers advice on how precisely to have sex, and this is where things get a little spicy. As well as recommending that people avoid transferring saliva, semen, or feces ("avoid rimming") and to use protection, they also endorse glory holes.
"Make it a little kinky. Be creative with sexual positions and physical barriers, like walls, that allow sexual contact while preventing close face to face contact."
Yep, that "physical barriers, like walls" part appears to be NYC recommending glory holes, and urging people to get creative with physical positions could be construed as the Department of Health approving doggy style as a sexual position due to the limiting of face-to-face contact.
Whatever keeps you and others safe, folks.