The Hilarious Reason One Couple Couldn't Get Pregnant After Trying For Years

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Robin Andrews 24 Aug 2018, 15:27

Pregnancy is strange, messy, and – depending on where you live – unbelievably expensive. It’s complicated. There are so many misconceptions about it, as well as so many unanswered questions that researchers are attempting to solve, that science really has its hands full.

The most rudimentary mechanisms that humans need to engage in to lead to conception, however, have been so thoroughly nailed down by this point that they are about as mysterious as the President is an erudite scholar. There are various difficulties relating to getting pregnant, but the very first step in the program is surely ubiquitous knowledge, for both scientists and non-scientists alike.

As spotted by the Metro, perhaps not: it seems that at least one couple, for four years, remained ludicrously unaware of the basics. This recent case of a twentysomething couple from China, who couldn’t quite understand why they were unable to create another human being, does nevertheless have a happy ending, so do hold out for that if you can.

During a discussion with an obstetrician, in which they complained about regular sex having failed to lead to a pregnancy, it transpired that the wife was finding sexual intercourse to be particularly, perhaps unusually, painful. Initially thinking that the wife had a gynecological affliction, an examination was conducted.

Evidence suggested that the couple had never once had vaginal intercourse, which obviously raised a rather profound question mark. This query quickly found an answer after the obstetrician found out the couple were having anal sex all the time.

It’s not clear if they were unaware of the specificity of their friskiness, mistaking one orifice for another, or if they thought that this method was in fact the proper way to conceive. Either way, trying to get an egg fertilized in this way is like attempting to pump up car tires by whispering into the rear-view mirror.

After getting some advice and being handed a pamphlet, they were sent home. A few months later, they managed to successfully conceive, and sent the obstetrician 100 eggs and a live hen as a thank you.

Every day’s a school day, we suppose.

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