Human Poop Has Snuck Into Some Coca-Cola Cans

Oh god, no. Eugenio Marongiu/Shutterstock

Robin Andrews 29 Mar 2017, 19:12

What a week. President Trump has signed away Obama’s climate change mitigation measures, the UK has formally announced its withdrawal from the European Union, and human poop has been found in a batch of Coca-Cola drinks.

Wait, what? As reported by the Guardian, cans of the sweet beverage being manufactured at the Hellenic Bottling Company factory in Lisburn, Northern Ireland, appeared to contain feces. There were so many of them breaking free from their mysterious confinement that nighttime canning had to be suspended when the machinery became clogged.

Apparently, the company managed to stop any of the dirty protest drinks making it to market or being shipped anywhere, so the poopocalypse has been contained and isolated. Fear not, fizzy drink fans – your days shall not be tainted by an unexpected dropping.

The regional police force are currently investigating the situation. It’s not yet clear whether the poop came into the factory via the shipping of empty cans that was brought in a few hours earlier, or whether the on-site equipment that squirts the drink into the cans themselves contained the foul fecal matter. Either way, it’s safe to say that the drinks conglomerate is having a bit of a shit week.

In a reassuring statement made to the Belfast Telegraph, Coca-Cola said that “the problem was identified immediately through our robust quality procedures and all of the product from the affected production was immediately impounded and will not be sold. This is an isolated incident and does not affect any products currently on sale.”

This is perhaps the grossest mystery of recent times. We feel quite sorry for the police investigating this incident, especially when you remember that there is a police investigation into a Skittles smuggling ring going on at the same time.

Comments

If you liked this story, you'll love these

This website uses cookies

This website uses cookies to improve user experience. By continuing to use our website you consent to all cookies in accordance with our cookie policy.