Giant Penis Appears On English Hillside Overnight Because Of Course It Has

Of course. @caljstephenson via Twitter

Once upon a time, long ago, humanity became aware of penises, their use for making additional humans, and their omnipresence. Perhaps because they were easier to draw than other vital reproductive organs, or maybe it’s just because they look exceedingly ridiculous, motifs appeared in sketches, etches, paintings, mosaics and so on – and thus the eternal tradition of drawing penises began.

Perhaps, of course, it's all a consequence of male-led societies.

Whatever the reason, they are, unfortunately, now everywhere. One particularly pointed example was that of the colossal penis dug out of a dry lake bed in Australia, which could technically be seen from space – with a good zoom-and-enhance style bit of magic, courtesy of Google Earth, anyway. It seems that, for millennia, humans cannot resist plastering these titanic members all over the place.

The latest example comes courtesy of the UK, which is one of several countries home to a massive, ancient man with an uncomfortably erect penis on a hillside somewhere. As was once pointed out, every year, people have to mow the grass around the giant cliff penis, and no-one seems to think twice.

This new addition to the penis pantheon appeared as part of the Tour of Britain, a huge cycling event. It wasn’t an official action, by the way, but the work of some pranksters, who managed to change a rather large bike mural on another viridian cliff into a penis.

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Per BBC News, the man rocket is adorning a cliff in Ilfracombe, Devon, where part of the prolonged cycling race is taking place. It popped up on Tuesday of this very week, and seems to have defiled what was an attempt at environmentalism: a local group of eco-thoughtful humans made the original bike out of reclaimed plastic and cardboard.

Project co-ordinator Seth Conway told reports that, despite the “rude awakening,” the sudden penis has “created quite a bit of a buzz, and it’s shone a bit more attention on to what the bike was there for.” Only time will tell if this becomes a story about environmental values or one that’s all about what the locals would refer to as a weird willy.

Is there, perchance, a moral to this modern-day parable? You could confidently say that where there is an opportunity to graffiti, there will be a penis – but that’s more of a mantra than a moral.

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What is also certainly true is that, from the Cerne Abbas Giant chalk pole in Dorset to the Nether-Regions Bike in Devon, those living on that royal throne of kings, that sceptered isle, that earth of majestry, that seat of Mars, that other Eden and demi-paradise are partial to a penis on a cliff.

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