8. They have boundaries
"Something that is important is whether this person has boundaries. Boundaries are important because it means someone isn't a pushover, and they can communicate when they are unhappy. When we are unhappy and we don't say anything, our resentment builds up and boils over. Some women prefer the man to take charge. Some women want the man to be more passive. So you've got to think about your values. In healthy relationships, growth is very important, generally in the same direction, so you need to be able to have arguments, and conflicts and points of disagreements without killing each other. Rather it's an opportunity to say, hey, this is how your brain works, this is how I feel, and can we actually learn from each other in this point in time, and grow in the same general direction, with our own wisdom and our own failures."
— Perpetua Neo, psychologist, expert in toxic relationships, and creator of the Detox Your Heart program
9. The balance is in their favour
"One of the first ports of call of an effective narcissist or an effective manipulator is to dissociate you from your own capacity to listen to yourself and your own intuition. Once he's marginalised your intuition, you then margianalise your common sense and your friends and other things. So I think it starts at a very subtle level, to listen to that sense that maybe something is wrong here, and just keeping yourself aware of that voice.
"Maybe it sounds a bit cruel, but in the fog of love, we abandon that voice quite quickly, because the other person is quickly perfect. So it can seem cruel to ask yourself, if anything were wrong here, what would I select first about what might be wrong? But when you give yourself permission to ask that question, then the intuition and the hunches can come back. And you may decide that you've considered them, there are ten things you don't like that much, but there are a thousand things you love. Then great, get on with loving them. But ask yourself that question, and give yourself permission to consider those other things. It can salvage your intuition, and that part of you for good reason, although that may not be comfortable."
— Jonathan Marshall, psychotherapist and executive coach
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